Mon, 03 Dec 2007 06:07:58 GMT

All of my life I've tried to be a good natured and respectable person. Now I just don't care anymore. I'm tired of being shitted on, rejected, judged, dismissed, disrespected, and thrown out with the trash by family, friends, co-workers, employers and otherwise. I'm sick and tired of just taking everything and watching my step around everyone and everything as to not upset or offend people that I care about and sometimes people whom I don't. I am so fucking sick of going out of my way for people and in return ignored and dismissed by those very same people.

I'm tired of absolutely every piece of shit thing on this earth. These days, these new days, it feels like every piss poor fucking thing that's ever happened to me is boiling in my veins and I just plain hate everything. I wish the Earth had one collective neck so that I could strangle the life out of it.

My eyes have been opened and I see how much worth is on this planet, how much people value me as a friend, a brother, a son, a person. It appears to be extremely miniscule.

All I do is hurt now. I'd like to go back to being happy and fun and all that bullshit, but it's obvious to me that when the second you stop being happy and funny and start having some problems everyone around you ditches you - they only wanted you to be their fucking clown.

I hurt, and no one helps me. They just criticize me for it. I try and reach out and I just get criticized and hurt more. I try to keep it to myself and I get criticized for not talking about things. There is no winning for me apparantly.

Is it really so much to ask for someone to seriously care? Someone to understand me, someone to hug, someone to touch? Some sort of physical and emotional fucking contact for once.

I'm drowning in myself and I don't know how much longer I can fight.

If you're reading this and you truly do care, this is a very serious wake up call that I need help from you. I don't know what or how, but I need it, I need something. You are losing me, and I do not want to be lost.

Welcome Aboard the U.S.S. Chumsaw